Have you ever had to lie about your IBS to save yourself embarrassment?
By Marilyn B
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to wake up in the morning, and not have the very first thoughts that come to mind be about if you will get through the day without having a major IBS attack or pain or embarrassment, or being late for work, or having to leave or miss an appointment?
Did you ever have to tell a little white lie as to why you were late to work, event or an appointment?
Well, I have lied. Many times. When my IBS was very severe, I only went to the hairdressers once or twice a year, because I could not bear the thought of being tied to the chair in permanent roller rods, and perhaps having to rush out of it with sudden tummy urges and pain.
But the annual appointment day arrived, and right on cue, so did the IBS attack, keeping me in the bathroom for hours and making me late to the appointment.
So once there, and still in a bit of pain, I apologized at the front desk for being late and made an excuse that my babysitter was late and held me up – but something inside me said, ‘no, I must tell the truth, because I still am not feeling all that great, and just in case’… so, I said, ‘no – that’s not the real reason I am late.’
Once I said that, all the ladies talking in the shop seemed to come to a dead halt, and it became quiet – all eyes and ears seemed to be on me. But I had already opened the door of truth – it was time to step inside and go for it.
“I was late because I have irritable bowel syndrome, and was in the bathroom for several hours with an attack.”
There, it was out – no turning back now…
And to my surprise, the ladies were all compassion – asking me if I was feeling well enough to stay, if I wanted to reschedule – and they were just fine with it.
So I decided to stay, and the beautician told me that if I felt the slightest twinge, to let her know and she would just stop and there would be no problem taking a bathroom break.
Once I knew I would be able to get out of that chair, I was fine for the appointment, at least that time – but it wasn’t always the case…
Another time, I spent the vast majority of a family vacation in the bathroom – with hours of vacation time lost while my family paced and waited outside the restroom in a museum.
So it was no wonder I spent most of my life house-bound with IBS – it was just too hard to go out and suffer in public places – at least in the privacy of my own home, I could be in my own bathroom for hours, rather than in a panic looking for one.
I suspect that you may perhaps see a bit of yourself in these reflections…shopping only in places where you know there are easily accessible toilets, perhaps even bringing a change of clothing and undergarments, worrying about what excuses to make, tolerating intense pain and cramping and many other worries and concerns as well.
And the work place creates problems as well – the embarrassment of co-workers ‘hearing’ you in the bathroom, time there taking time away from your job – it creates even more burden and stress on an already difficult health condition.
As the years went on, I decided to just tell people I had IBS upfront. If they had difficulty with it, then it was their problem, not mine, though I somehow always felt that I was a burden to others for having this condition. I had to cancel so many times, sometimes important events, obligations, and even enjoyable events.
I lost so much in my life due to IBS. My marriage crumbled and failed in part because of it – I went from an outgoing, gregarious person to an almost recluse. I hated who I had become and I felt badly for anyone who had to endure my presence.
Happily, though, I had an extremely good support system of friends, as well as fellow IBS sufferers who reassured me that I was not alone.
I learned to never lie about my IBS again – in fact, most of the time I found out that the person I confided in either had IBS themselves or knew of someone who had it! Well, statistics substantiate this probability in that about one in five of the population have IBS symptoms at some time in their lives.
So after having IBS since 1983, I have learned that I am not alone. In my own case, I now am able to control my symptoms with clinical hypnotherapy after other treatments being of little help to me over the years. There is hope, there is support – you are not alone
Anecdote of Marilyn B
I received my BA degree in psychology, speech and language pathology and language in the media from the College of St. Teresa, and did my affiliation for audiology at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. I received my MS post-graduate degree from Marquette University with further studies towards my PhD but did not complete it.
As an IBS sufferer since 1983, I became aware of the IFFGD (had a different name in its inception) in 1992, and am now a lifetime member and I presented as exhibitor and attended an IFFGD Symposium and DDW in the past. Since 2000, I have been involved in the IBS Group support boards, and I am currently a moderator there as well as on Help For IBS and contribute to other IBS boards from time to time. I am an IBS patient advocate, and have been interviewed for health articles by Consumer Reports, MSNBC and the Wall Street Journal.
My biggest honor though, is donating my time in providing support and information not only in these capacities, but also as a patient support associate where I write articles and speak on the phone or email with IBS sufferers all over the world with respect to support for those with a wide variety of questions about IBS, and/or with regard to clinical hypnotherapy for IBS
